The final word in the betrayal

"Ci@CI, the disciple of Bangle" (ciatci)
05/18/2015 at 11:32 • Filed to: None

So without any regard to my feelings, it ends up they did this all behind my back intending to slowly show me that they were dating. He fails to recognize to see the harm he has done. He has proven his worthlessness as a trustworthy person that I was once proud to call a friend. He has proven to be selfish, and arrogant. Apparently my social views of monogamy are outdated and I’m a patrician.

At least the patriarchy gets shit done. Plus I've got an in at BMW North America.

DISCUSSION (13)

Nibby > Ci@CI, the disciple of Bangle
05/18/2015 at 11:35

Kinja'd!!!

Xyl0c41n3 > Ci@CI, the disciple of Bangle
05/18/2015 at 11:42

“At least the patriarchy gets shit done.”

Not quite sure what that means.

But anyway: lose both their numbers, scrub them from your Facebook and other social media, and put them both in your rear view mirror. They deserve each other and your best revenge won't be passive aggressively changing spotify playlists to angry songs, it'll be living well.

Lekker > Ci@CI, the disciple of Bangle
05/18/2015 at 11:42

Talk about two people losing someone great that quick at the same time. Honestly, and I say this due to very similar experience (except I wasn’t just dating, we had been married for 5 years) - you’re already so much better off by not being surrounded with such two-faced, self-consumed people as them. Delete their numbers. Move on and be the best you can be.

Plus... BMW man. What do you have in store with them?

Ci@CI, the disciple of Bangle > Xyl0c41n3
05/18/2015 at 11:48

He was going on a spiel about how since I am a traditionalist my world views are outdated then tried to bash me using conservative as an insult.

Ci@CI, the disciple of Bangle > Nibby
05/18/2015 at 11:54

Hand me the rum!

Ci@CI, the disciple of Bangle > Lekker
05/18/2015 at 12:00

I am ignoring them from now on and just focused on finishing this semester.

I am an aspiring design student finishing my 3rd year at a community college with pretty darn respectable grades. I have wanted to go to Art Center since middle school as well, but haven’t had the time or energy to devote to getting work together to get in there. Last summer I intended to set aside for it, but I got distracted by family business followed by a move. Last Friday I was at a private launch party for the new G11/12 7 series and chatted up a quiet German man standing by the trunk, letting him know what I thought of everything about the car and how I feel about BMW in general, as well my plans to go to Art Center. I then asked him if he was a designer, and he revealed himself to be their CFO. He said he’d be willing to put me in contact with someone who could help me out with my future goals of being a car designer.

Xyl0c41n3 > Ci@CI, the disciple of Bangle
05/18/2015 at 12:01

Um, yeah, no. Monogamy is not limited to political conservatives (I’m assuming that’s what he meant by the word? If not, it doesn’t apply to other kinds of conservatives, either).

This guy knows what he and your ex did is a dick move and he’s being a classic bully/abuser/manipulator by trying to blame you for it. “I wouldn’t have had to hurt you if you weren’t so fucked up to begin with” type rhetoric is damaging and abusive. Seriously, cut him out of your life right now. And be glad that you have before spending even more years in a toxic, one-sided friendship.

And no, your views on commitment in relationships are not outdated. Look at how many Oppos we have — on all sides of the political spectrum — who are in committed marriages and long term relationships. There is a place for non-traditional relationships, open relationships, polyamory, etc. but only if all parties agree to it. Being an unwitting participant in a love triangle doesn’t make you old fashioned and anachronistic, it makes your ex and ex-friend assholes.

I’m just going to reiterate again to cut them out of your life. The sooner you do the sooner you won't have to hear their bullshit anymore, and the sooner you can start healing.

Ci@CI, the disciple of Bangle > Xyl0c41n3
05/18/2015 at 12:19

Political and social conservatives-Funny you mention that-I took a political theory class this past semester that delved into what exactly these terms mean and I am a conservative. I believe in the status quo, and not legislating to one’s fancy. I hate the current political, but instead as someone who loves poly sci I love exploring theory. I believe in the institutions that have made our society great and prosperous and a giant morally grey fuckfest isn’t it.

Ci@CI, the disciple of Bangle > Xyl0c41n3
05/18/2015 at 12:24

I come from a family where my parents have been married for 30 years and been given advice from people in the game longer than that. They have all said fuck him. It hurts but I am moving on.

Xyl0c41n3 > Ci@CI, the disciple of Bangle
05/18/2015 at 13:02

I think you’re conflating two very different things. What people choose for themselves and the relationships they engage in have nothing to do (or shouldn’t, anyway... sigh) with politics and the institutions that have shaped our particular brand of society.

Again, I’m not saying what your acquaintances did was right, because it’s not. But their actions don’t condemn poly or open relationships that are undertaken with the consent of all parties involved. If your personal moral compass is against such things, that’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with that. My own personal moral compass cleaves very strongly to committed, monogamous relationships, as well, but I won’t judge — nor is it my place to — a friend whose views on sexuality and relationships is different than my own. And neither should you. Smug, self righteous superiority doesn’t look good on anyone. And your moral compass isn’t the same as everyone else’s. It doesn’t have to be for you to treat others with respect and receive the same in kind.

Ci@CI, the disciple of Bangle > Xyl0c41n3
05/18/2015 at 13:14

Yet the institutions of society and how governing is done does tie back to these theories. I just feel intensely disrespected by him, a friend of two years who helped me through stuff where others would have run far away.

cazzyodo > Ci@CI, the disciple of Bangle
05/18/2015 at 18:39

Hey man, I’ve seen your updates and have come to this conclusion: fuck them both (figuratively speaking, of course).

I had a girl in school where we hung out, saw movies, etc and I eventually asked her if we were official. We were. Fast forward a few months and she was going to study abroad and just couldn’t do the relationship...made sense. Then she had a bf Skype session the following month.

That hurt but I moved on and have a long time gf. And a cat. I’m more than happy and you will be too. Hell, you just successfully removed two cancerous objects from your life.

Ci@CI, the disciple of Bangle > cazzyodo
05/20/2015 at 03:40

I have DesignWorksUSA’s CFOs business card in my display cabinet right now. I think I'll be okay.